If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
