thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
drinking out of a sandbucket again
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
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