I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
