You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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