But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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