Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
