1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
