She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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