in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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