end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
thus making me awesome and them whores
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I could make wine with my vomit
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
