We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
