Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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