he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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