I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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