I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
