i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
