Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
