somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
