atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
