also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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