Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
