i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
