Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
