Will you blow on my dice?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
