You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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