I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
