you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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