I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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