yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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