I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
