is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
