i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
