omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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