your parents love me but you hate me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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