Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I am morally bankrupt
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
