I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
