no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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