Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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