make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
