Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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