my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Randomize
