I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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