The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
