the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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