i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
