He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
