"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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