if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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