just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
