you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
