I haven't been this sober since birth.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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