On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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