Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
And then he peed in my hair
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