Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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