We won't sleep together?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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