Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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