I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
