just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
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My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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