if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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