i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
