tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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