In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize