the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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