I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize