New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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