My nipple is on Facebook.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
