remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
