just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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