i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
