Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
