the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
