I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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