I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
